Open Letter From The White Witch to Facebook Executives

To Whom It May Concern (and it does concern you, CEO Mark Zuckerberg and VP of Technical Operations Jonathan Heiliger):

When I first stepped from The Wood Between Worlds into Narnia (hereafter referred to as Oregon State), my breath caught in my long, pale throat. I had never seen such a brilliant lapis blue sky or the rich, lush foliage of evergreen foresting lands. To me, this gorgeous place was a lily and as an artist I immediately set about to gilding the place with snow and ice. Of course, being the Queen of Oregon State would make such a task feasible, so first I had to set about conquering this foreign land.

Since ascending to the throne, I've received an influx of visitors from the lands of Google and Microsoft. Through some savvy negotiations and diplomacy, we reached an agreement allowing those visitors to set up data centers here in Oregon State to help their businesses run more efficiently. In return, those two companies have agreed to power their centers on clean energy and pay me for the use of the hydroelectric power used to run their centers.

Recently, we have also received visitors from from the land of Facebook. I have welcomed the opportunity to host a data center for them, which I think is a fantastic idea. Hosting the data center will give some of those pesky talking animals jobs so that they can do something other than plot insurrection against me. However, I have learned through my spies that you intend to power your center by burning coal.

As you may be aware, in order to produce coal the land must be strip mined or tops of mountains removed to get at it. In addition, burning the coal will release billowing clouds full of particulate matter into the atmosphere.

There is a prophecy that after my rein, two Sons of Adam and Daughters of Eve will sit on the thrones of Cair Paravel and rule Oregon State as sovereigns. I will do my best to prevent that, but should they win that ultimate battle, I do not want them saying that they have inherited a burned-out lackluster shell of a land. They can slander my name, but I will never let it be said that I destroyed the land with unfriendly environmentalist practices. Furthermore, with all of the slatey-smoke covering the land, I'll have to change my moniker to "The Grey Witch". How ridiculous does that sound? It doesn't have nearly the ring that "White Witch" has, and people will think that I am attempting to imitate that silly old man in Middle Earth.

I urge you, Facebook, to reconsider the powering of your data center by burning coal and instead follow the examples of the lands of Google and Microsoft by employing hydroelectric means. I have signed the petition at Change.Org. I have also sent an email addressed to you at info@facebook.com since your email addresses are not easily publicly available.

Sincerely,

Her Imperial Majesty Jadis, Queen of Oregon State, Chatelaine of Cair Paravel, Empress of the Lone Islands